goldrockett
@goldrockett
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 184 · Topics: 21
Dating a man with kids ? (Page 2)
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Posted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
Posted by Geminiiviixen
Really? 2 years and his children Still do not know about you? Why isn't anybody really helping you? STOP DATING HIM. You are not the one for him, if you were, he would be making it known, regardless of how the baby mother feels (Life goes on) and if he is teaching his children this and you have none, all the more of a reason to fucking run. If after 6 months, nothing has gotten better in the relationship MOVE ON.. in this case 2 years and cousins!? Come on.. Don't mean to be harsh but Jesus girl.. Move On.Posted by goldrockett
So my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for going on 2 years. I'm pretty present in his children's lives , they're 6 and 7. However , they think I'm their cousin now. At first , friend , now cousin. He got on top of me last night and his daughter was like ew get off her. Nothing serious , but I feel like bc they don't know that I am his girlfriend that they don't understand why he and I may act certain ways. I'll see his daughter staring at us sometimes when I'm laying on him or rubbing his head. And I know it's bc she doesn't understand what's going on.
Should I talk to him about that ? Ask him when he is going to tell them who I really am to him ? Bc if this ends up being long term , and we were to get married , it would be kind of awkward still if they didn't know either I'm his wife or to think I'm their cousin one day then their step mom the next. Not to mention I haven't even crossed paths with their mom yet. She is not the type of person things could be cordial with from what he tells me , and I get it , but she'll try to find some way to stir up the moment and he doesn't want that energy around the kids when they meet up on their days to give the kids back.
I just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
Thoughts ?click to expand
Well in the beginning the kids thought that I was a family friend. He and I had talk about it before and he said to avoid confusing them he wanted to keep certain interactions between he and I to a minimum. As time went on I'm spending more time with him and his family and the kids and they're seeing that , then see me as family , I guess cousin is the only term the children could compare me to. HE DIDN'T TELL THEM I WAS THEIR COUSIN. So , this being his first relationship after the kids I just feel like he doesn't know how to go about it honestly. Which is why I made this topic , to see if I should talk to him about it or let him talk to the kids about me in his own time.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptune
What a weird cover story to give his kids when you are around and you are both affectionate with one another in front of them.
Well they came up with the conclusion of thinking I'm their cousin themselves. He didn't tell them that. They randomly said it one day and he just laughed at them
Why would they assume your a cousin tho 🤔
Does he have other ‘cousins’ come by for sleepovers. This is suspect.
No they don't. But bc I guess I spend so much time with them that they feel like I'm more like family than just a friend ? I have no idea 🤦🏾♀️
Idk, something seems suspect here. My spidey senses are tingling.
It’s somewhat understandable for him to call you a cousin or friend in front of his kids if your meeting them in passing and relationship is brand new. But that ain’t the case here...
You say you spend a ton of time with them. Add to that he’s been in a relationship with you for 2 years... it doesn’t add up why he would downplay his relationship with you unless...
-he doesn’t see a long term future with you
-he has other women he is seeing that he brings around as ‘friends/cousins’
Definitely bring this ish up!click to expand
I'll bring it up to him. I honestly don't know why he does this but I do know I'm the first serious relationship he's had in a long time. Maybe he's still treading lightly , maybe he's afraid to fully open up , idk. I do know he's not bringing anyone else around the kids tho bc of the relationship we do have I always know where he is , what he's doing etc. Like we talk or ft all the time if we're not together.
As for if he sees things with me long term , that idk. I'm with a very stubborn individual. He's not very vulnerable with me with words , moreso with his actions. So I'm not sure long term how he feels. I want to talk to him about that too but I don't want him to feel pressured. But to be honest , I feel he may see this long term just going off of certain things taking place in the relationship but at the same time I feel like he's still new to this since it's been so long for him being with someone this serious. But I will talk to him and not wait for him to just let the kids know who I am to him on his own. He moves so slowly they probably wouldn't know who I am to him until I'm his wife 😑
Posted by MissKrabs
Srsly poor kids.
🙄🙄🙄 I see you're not understanding unlike the very few on my topic who are , the kids are fine. He and I both know better. Read.
Posted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptune
What a weird cover story to give his kids when you are around and you are both affectionate with one another in front of them.
Well they came up with the conclusion of thinking I'm their cousin themselves. He didn't tell them that. They randomly said it one day and he just laughed at them
Why would they assume your a cousin tho 🤔
Does he have other ‘cousins’ come by for sleepovers. This is suspect.
No they don't. But bc I guess I spend so much time with them that they feel like I'm more like family than just a friend ? I have no idea 🤦🏾♀️
Idk, something seems suspect here. My spidey senses are tingling.
It’s somewhat understandable for him to call you a cousin or friend in front of his kids if your meeting them in passing and relationship is brand new. But that ain’t the case here...
You say you spend a ton of time with them. Add to that he’s been in a relationship with you for 2 years... it doesn’t add up why he would downplay his relationship with you unless...
-he doesn’t see a long term future with you
-he has other women he is seeing that he brings around as ‘friends/cousins’
Definitely bring this ish up!
I'll bring it up to him. I honestly don't know why he does this but I do know I'm the first serious relationship he's had in a long time. Maybe he's still treading lightly , maybe he's afraid to fully open up , idk. I do know he's not bringing anyone else around the kids tho bc of the relationship we do have I always know where he is , what he's doing etc. Like we talk or ft all the time if we're not together.
As for if he sees things with me long term , that idk. I'm with a very stubborn individual. He's not very vulnerable with me with words , moreso with his actions. So I'm not sure long term how he feels. I want to talk to him about that too but I don't want him to feel pressured. But to be honest , I feel he may see this long term just going off of certain things taking place in the relationship but at the same time I feel like he's still new to this since it's been so long for him being with someone this serious. But I will talk to him and not wait for him to just let the kids know who I am to him on his own. He moves so slowly they probably wouldn't know who I am to him until I'm his wife 😑click to expand
Best to not assume what his motivations are and just sit down and be straight with him. You’ve given him 2 years of your life you deserve some answers.
Assuming you’ll be wifey in the future when he won’t even tell his kids your the gf is a dangerous train of thought. Try to not worry about ‘pressuring’ him. Wanting to define the relationship and where his head is at for the future is not pressure. Not by the slightest. Especially when we are talking 2 years + him involving you in his kids lives.
And please stop making excuses for him based on him not having a serious relationship in awhile. He knows what a serious relationship is. He was serious enough in a relationship to have 2 kids. He’s not brand new.
Posted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptune
What a weird cover story to give his kids when you are around and you are both affectionate with one another in front of them.
Well they came up with the conclusion of thinking I'm their cousin themselves. He didn't tell them that. They randomly said it one day and he just laughed at them
Why would they assume your a cousin tho 🤔
Does he have other ‘cousins’ come by for sleepovers. This is suspect.
No they don't. But bc I guess I spend so much time with them that they feel like I'm more like family than just a friend ? I have no idea 🤦🏾♀️
Idk, something seems suspect here. My spidey senses are tingling.
It’s somewhat understandable for him to call you a cousin or friend in front of his kids if your meeting them in passing and relationship is brand new. But that ain’t the case here...
You say you spend a ton of time with them. Add to that he’s been in a relationship with you for 2 years... it doesn’t add up why he would downplay his relationship with you unless...
-he doesn’t see a long term future with you
-he has other women he is seeing that he brings around as ‘friends/cousins’
Definitely bring this ish up!
I'll bring it up to him. I honestly don't know why he does this but I do know I'm the first serious relationship he's had in a long time. Maybe he's still treading lightly , maybe he's afraid to fully open up , idk. I do know he's not bringing anyone else around the kids tho bc of the relationship we do have I always know where he is , what he's doing etc. Like we talk or ft all the time if we're not together.
As for if he sees things with me long term , that idk. I'm with a very stubborn individual. He's not very vulnerable with me with words , moreso with his actions. So I'm not sure long term how he feels. I want to talk to him about that too but I don't want him to feel pressured. But to be honest , I feel he may see this long term just going off of certain things taking place in the relationship but at the same time I feel like he's still new to this since it's been so long for him being with someone this serious. But I will talk to him and not wait for him to just let the kids know who I am to him on his own. He moves so slowly they probably wouldn't know who I am to him until I'm his wife 😑
Best to not assume what his motivations are and just sit down and be straight with him. You’ve given him 2 years of your life you deserve some answers.
Assuming you’ll be wifey in the future when he won’t even tell his kids your the gf is a dangerous train of thought. Try to not worry about ‘pressuring’ him. Wanting to define the relationship and where his head is at for the future is not pressure. Not by the slightest. Especially when we are talking 2 years + him involving you in his kids lives.
And please stop making excuses for him based on him not having a serious relationship in awhile. He knows what a serious relationship is. He was serious enough in a relationship to have 2 kids. He’s not brand new.click to expand
Okay , thats pretty valid. I will speak with him. Thanks for taking time out to give some advice. I appreciate it. We'll see what happens.
Posted by MissKrabsPosted by goldrockettPosted by MissKrabs
Srsly poor kids.
🙄🙄🙄 I see you're not understanding unlike the very few on my topic who are , the kids are fine. He and I both know better. Read.
Read the rest of the thread.
I still see one thing, and that is, his kids or at least his daughter thinks he is banging his, their cousin. Roll your eyes as much as you want, be defensive, the fact is that it is gross and creepy. Either explain them, or stop laying on each other in front of them.click to expand
I'm not defensive. You are ignorant tho. If you read thoroughly you would've seen me say that when he lays on me its always in a playful manner , as if we're wrestling. Then he'll hug me and keep it moving. NEVER IS IT INAPPROPRIATE. I know him better than you and he is not nor has he ever been the type of stereotype you may be used to men being , by being bad fathers and not caring about what their kids see. He definitely keeps our interactions to a minimum for that reason. I do not sit on top of him in front of the kids , lay on him in front of the kids , like I said , I fall back when the kids are around so any interaction between us he initiates. So when he lays on me to PLAYFULLY WRESTLE WITH ME , not FEEL ME UP , i am ok with it bc it is not inappropriately done.
Read thoroughly. Don't need you getting the wrong idea again.
Posted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptunePosted by goldrockettPosted by LadyNeptune
What a weird cover story to give his kids when you are around and you are both affectionate with one another in front of them.
Well they came up with the conclusion of thinking I'm their cousin themselves. He didn't tell them that. They randomly said it one day and he just laughed at them
Why would they assume your a cousin tho 🤔
Does he have other ‘cousins’ come by for sleepovers. This is suspect.
No they don't. But bc I guess I spend so much time with them that they feel like I'm more like family than just a friend ? I have no idea 🤦🏾♀️
Idk, something seems suspect here. My spidey senses are tingling.
It’s somewhat understandable for him to call you a cousin or friend in front of his kids if your meeting them in passing and relationship is brand new. But that ain’t the case here...
You say you spend a ton of time with them. Add to that he’s been in a relationship with you for 2 years... it doesn’t add up why he would downplay his relationship with you unless...
-he doesn’t see a long term future with you
-he has other women he is seeing that he brings around as ‘friends/cousins’
Definitely bring this ish up!
I'll bring it up to him. I honestly don't know why he does this but I do know I'm the first serious relationship he's had in a long time. Maybe he's still treading lightly , maybe he's afraid to fully open up , idk. I do know he's not bringing anyone else around the kids tho bc of the relationship we do have I always know where he is , what he's doing etc. Like we talk or ft all the time if we're not together.
As for if he sees things with me long term , that idk. I'm with a very stubborn individual. He's not very vulnerable with me with words , moreso with his actions. So I'm not sure long term how he feels. I want to talk to him about that too but I don't want him to feel pressured. But to be honest , I feel he may see this long term just going off of certain things taking place in the relationship but at the same time I feel like he's still new to this since it's been so long for him being with someone this serious. But I will talk to him and not wait for him to just let the kids know who I am to him on his own. He moves so slowly they probably wouldn't know who I am to him until I'm his wife 😑
Best to not assume what his motivations are and just sit down and be straight with him. You’ve given him 2 years of your life you deserve some answers.
Assuming you’ll be wifey in the future when he won’t even tell his kids your the gf is a dangerous train of thought. Try to not worry about ‘pressuring’ him. Wanting to define the relationship and where his head is at for the future is not pressure. Not by the slightest. Especially when we are talking 2 years + him involving you in his kids lives.
And please stop making excuses for him based on him not having a serious relationship in awhile. He knows what a serious relationship is. He was serious enough in a relationship to have 2 kids. He’s not brand new.
Okay , thats pretty valid. I will speak with him. Thanks for taking time out to give some advice. I appreciate it. We'll see what happens.click to expand
Good luck 🤞
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.click to expand
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
I don’t envy anyone that has to do it. Luckily i was able to keep my love life separate from our lad. I have heard some horror stories about failed attempts. One woman I know introduced her son to three men who didn’t stick around and left the kid feeling rejected and vulnerable
Messy 😲
Messy 😲
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.click to expand
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Posted by MyStarsShine
I don’t envy anyone that has to do it. Luckily i was able to keep my love life separate from our lad. I have heard some horror stories about failed attempts. One woman I know introduced her son to three men who didn’t stick around and left the kid feeling rejected and vulnerable
Messy 😲
VERY MESSY !!
So I get why he might be procrastinating a bit on sharing certain things with them. I'm sure he doesn't want that to happen with his kids , get super close with me bc we definetly are , then we break up. So I expect time but it has been 1 year and a few months so I feel like soon he needs to make it clear to them. But then its like I feel he won't want to jinx himself by telling them about us then we break up.
Its quite a risk but with the time we've invested into this I feel like its been long enough. We've been through a lot and made it so I don't see why anything could get in the way. I really have love for his kids tho and they love me back and tell me they do.
Well, for starters I wouldn't be all affectionate in front of others children. Would you behave that way around any other kids? They aren't yours and I would want to keep the boundaries clear until that man has the balls to communicate that he is dating you to his ex.
You're both lying and setting this as an example. A man who lies to his children like this is pathetic. If you're a friend during the time he has them, then why wouldn't you behave accordingly?
And never fully believe what a man says about an ex, you will never understand what brought them to where they are today in their relationship. Maybe he is a liar and that's why she is the way she is?
If you're planning on being around, respecting her and her kids is very important vs what you want in the time he has his kids. I hope that makes sense.
You're both lying and setting this as an example. A man who lies to his children like this is pathetic. If you're a friend during the time he has them, then why wouldn't you behave accordingly?
And never fully believe what a man says about an ex, you will never understand what brought them to where they are today in their relationship. Maybe he is a liar and that's why she is the way she is?
If you're planning on being around, respecting her and her kids is very important vs what you want in the time he has his kids. I hope that makes sense.
Posted by WateryGem
Well, for starters I wouldn't be all affectionate in front of others children. Would you behave that way around any other kids? They aren't yours and I would want to keep the boundaries clear until that man has the balls to communicate that he is dating you to his ex.
You're both lying and setting this as an example. A man who lies to his children like this is pathetic. If you're a friend during the time he has them, then why wouldn't you behave accordingly?
And never fully believe what a man says about an ex, you will never understand what brought them to where they are today in their relationship. Maybe he is a liar and that's why she is the way she is?
If you're planning on being around, respecting her and her kids is very important vs what you want in the time he has his kids. I hope that makes sense.
I will be a bit clearer as far as the interations we have in front of the kids. We play fight , hold hands sometimes , I might rub his head , we hug and thats pretty much it. We do not kiss in front of them. And the kids mom know about me. She went digging and found that out herself lol. But yes she knows we are in a relationship.
I didn't say anywhere in my topic that he lied and told his children anything. If you're refferring to the " cousin " phrase , they came up with that on their own , the kids that is. But he has never introduced me to them as a friend , just by my name and that was in the very beginning and since then I've just been around so much that they saw me as a friend at first and now " cousin " they're kids , they don't know what other term to use for my status in their lives until he talks to them about it.
But as far as his ex , shes a hot mess. His family verifies it and I dont even have to say anything. Bc yes , I thought that initially too. But after spending so much time with everyone else in his family and its a lot , they all have nothing but bad things to say about her and from actions and the neglect she shows the kids , I believe them.
But she has my respect. I've never even had the chance to disrespect her , not that I would , bc I have never even crossed paths with her. I am also showing nothing but the upmost respect to the kids. You can also see the neglect they get from her bc of the way they are with me. Its like they're lacking something from her bc they come to me to get it. Little things. Idk but you can just tell that on her part , something just isn't right.
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces thatclick to expand
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
I feel that the communication part shall always be present in the 4 of your lives
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces that
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
Every relationship is different and none are perfect
I just have high standards now... I’m not going to hold your hand and walk my partner thru how to behave. We’re too old for that nonsense. If you’re at our age and you don’t get it... There is always someone else who does.
I feel relationships are difficult enough, these basic building blocks should be naturalclick to expand
I agree with you , relationships definitely are already difficult. But we are working on it , if i feel that its just not getting anywhere and things aren't changing for the better then I know what I need to do
I just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces that
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
Every relationship is different and none are perfect
I just have high standards now... I’m not going to hold your hand and walk my partner thru how to behave. We’re too old for that nonsense. If you’re at our age and you don’t get it... There is always someone else who does.
I feel relationships are difficult enough, these basic building blocks should be natural
I agree with you , relationships definitely are already difficult. But we are working on it , if i feel that its just not getting anywhere and things aren't changing for the better then I know what I need to do
I agree, just dont let attachment override your needs
You’re already two years in and its a messy situation... I would be really concerned if he can change at this pointclick to expand
We'll see , he actually is good with hearing me out and changing certain things. He does fix the things he does that make me feel uncomfortable. I just know this subject is a bit touchy since it involves the kids now so I just hope the outcome is the same.
But I won't let my attachment to him do that , I just wouldn't feel comfortable in my skin if I allowed that to happen
Posted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.click to expand
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.
Posted by SlipperySlope
Sounds like you're dating a kid with kids.
Yea he can be a bit childish sometimes
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces that
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
Every relationship is different and none are perfect
I just have high standards now... I’m not going to hold your hand and walk my partner thru how to behave. We’re too old for that nonsense. If you’re at our age and you don’t get it... There is always someone else who does.
I feel relationships are difficult enough, these basic building blocks should be natural
I agree with you , relationships definitely are already difficult. But we are working on it , if i feel that its just not getting anywhere and things aren't changing for the better then I know what I need to do
I agree, just dont let attachment override your needs
You’re already two years in and its a messy situation... I would be really concerned if he can change at this point
We'll see , he actually is good with hearing me out and changing certain things. He does fix the things he does that make me feel uncomfortable. I just know this subject is a bit touchy since it involves the kids now so I just hope the outcome is the same.
But I won't let my attachment to him do that , I just wouldn't feel comfortable in my skin if I allowed that to happen
Thats good you respect your boundaries
Having the conversation be awkward kinda makes sense... thats why I was upfront in this relationship. I didnt want to make space for uncomfortable and unknownclick to expand
Yes I really do , and I wish I had done what you do but I just didn't expect to have gotten to this level with him. I never saw him in that kind of way but it just changed. I really wish we did discuss that from the jump though. But its better late than never
Posted by goldrockettPosted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.click to expand
Yeah totally I get the protective part. My daughter's pretty perceptive with it but I've also had a talk with her about it. I stopped dating just to avoid that hassle but apparently mum's being having guys over at her place and I'm the one stuck with the educational speech.
Posted by aquasnozPosted by goldrockettPosted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.
Yeah totally I get the protective part. My daughter's pretty perceptive with it but I've also had a talk with her about it. I stopped dating just to avoid that hassle but apparently mum's being having guys over at her place and I'm the one stuck with the educational speech.click to expand
You tried to avoid it altogether and it still came back at you smh. Yea apparently their mom has been seeing someone too and they even brought up calling him dad. I'm not sure what thats about but its not ok. All in all , I just want to go about this the right way. So we're going to have that talk soon.
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces that
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
Every relationship is different and none are perfect
I just have high standards now... I’m not going to hold your hand and walk my partner thru how to behave. We’re too old for that nonsense. If you’re at our age and you don’t get it... There is always someone else who does.
I feel relationships are difficult enough, these basic building blocks should be natural
I agree with you , relationships definitely are already difficult. But we are working on it , if i feel that its just not getting anywhere and things aren't changing for the better then I know what I need to do
I agree, just dont let attachment override your needs
You’re already two years in and its a messy situation... I would be really concerned if he can change at this point
We'll see , he actually is good with hearing me out and changing certain things. He does fix the things he does that make me feel uncomfortable. I just know this subject is a bit touchy since it involves the kids now so I just hope the outcome is the same.
But I won't let my attachment to him do that , I just wouldn't feel comfortable in my skin if I allowed that to happen
Thats good you respect your boundaries
Having the conversation be awkward kinda makes sense... thats why I was upfront in this relationship. I didnt want to make space for uncomfortable and unknown
Yes I really do , and I wish I had done what you do but I just didn't expect to have gotten to this level with him. I never saw him in that kind of way but it just changed. I really wish we did discuss that from the jump though. But its better late than never
I get that. My guy has decided he wants a serious relationship and he approached me that way from the beginning. I give him credit for that, no matter what happens. I value his honesty and intentions.
Its now how I expect all relationship to be handledclick to expand
As they should. Thats admirable. You have a good one !! I only can hope with time to be at that point with my boyfriend
Posted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_AlexanderPosted by goldrockettPosted by Jade_Alexander
When it comes to relationships its needs to be honest
He needs to be honest with the kids who you are
And if he isn’t willing, you need to move on
I’m dating a parent, I have kids... So I have been doing research in this subject... honesty is essential
Thank you for that response. So do you think it's something I should bring to his attention ? Or let him do so in his own time ?
You need to talk about it. You two have been together two years and the kids see you regularly. IMO you need to know where this relationship is heading so YOU can decide if you want to stick around.
My kids know the guy I’m dating, they do not know we are together. Everything we do is in a group setting with no touching. He will not be my ‘friend’ when we come out, it will be an honest and direct conversation. But that talk won’t happen until we are committed to the relationship and positive about where it’s going.
We’ve been dating A MONTH and had this discussion immediately because of our concern for the kids. Im really disturbed your BF hasnt after a few years. This is like parenting 101... so either he doesnt feel a need to clarify with you because he doesnt see you as a long term partner (his emotional unavailability or the circumstances) ir he is very immature in how he parents. Either way I would see it as res flags.
How old are your children if you don't mind me asking ? For the most part when we are around each other we don't really touch each other when the kids are around. But sometimes I feel like he does so to acknowledge me so I don't feel left out.
But to be honest I didn't expect this relationship to be where it is today. I've known him for years , as a friend then we just hung out one day and kept seeing each other. But I do need to know if he does see me in his life long-term. based on a few other conversations we've had before he has said certain things that point to him wanting a future with me but at the same time certain things need to change / be brought up in getting to that in this relationship.
I just feel like when it comes to the kids in being a priority he aces that , but when it comes to bringing me in the mix things get awkward for him. Idk why but we'll have that talk. I'm active in his life , friends life and his families life. So its only right we discuss this.
Blending a family takes a lot of work. It requires lots of communication and respect. Both parties need to know what the expectations are and their position within the family. And you cannot build it with the same blueprint as a typical
Romantic relationship.
My kids are between 3-12... And we have already spoken on what this relationship would look like, and we are open to couples therapy too. We need guidance to do this.
But we do communicate, I have 0 assumptions or insecurities. We talk it all out.
I would love for us to go to couples therapy , he doesn't seem to be as open to it tho. So I guess for now , we'll have to communicate better on that part of the relationship and blending this family together. Then maybe he'll be open to a therapy session.
I know he has some insecurities , as do I , we're only human. But we are working on communicating more in this relationship to minimize that.
But I am very aware that things have to be done differently seeing that he does have kids of his own and I'm ok with that. But communicating better I feel will help.
Communication is everything
You two have to figure that out
I will never be in a relationship in which we cannot master that skill
Casual dating can be fun
A real relationship is work... and I need a partner who embraces that
I'm always open to communicating , its him that has that difficulty. Its like he is ready on his time and no thats not ok. I get it , you dont have to tell me thats not ok bc I know its not. Its something he has to get better with bc in a relationship that does in fact require work like you said , it does require that exactly , work.
So yes we did recently have a talk about communicating better and since then thats been our next focus at mastering in our relationship
Every relationship is different and none are perfect
I just have high standards now... I’m not going to hold your hand and walk my partner thru how to behave. We’re too old for that nonsense. If you’re at our age and you don’t get it... There is always someone else who does.
I feel relationships are difficult enough, these basic building blocks should be natural
I agree with you , relationships definitely are already difficult. But we are working on it , if i feel that its just not getting anywhere and things aren't changing for the better then I know what I need to do
I agree, just dont let attachment override your needs
You’re already two years in and its a messy situation... I would be really concerned if he can change at this point
We'll see , he actually is good with hearing me out and changing certain things. He does fix the things he does that make me feel uncomfortable. I just know this subject is a bit touchy since it involves the kids now so I just hope the outcome is the same.
But I won't let my attachment to him do that , I just wouldn't feel comfortable in my skin if I allowed that to happen
Thats good you respect your boundaries
Having the conversation be awkward kinda makes sense... thats why I was upfront in this relationship. I didnt want to make space for uncomfortable and unknown
Yes I really do , and I wish I had done what you do but I just didn't expect to have gotten to this level with him. I never saw him in that kind of way but it just changed. I really wish we did discuss that from the jump though. But its better late than never
I get that. My guy has decided he wants a serious relationship and he approached me that way from the beginning. I give him credit for that, no matter what happens. I value his honesty and intentions.
Its now how I expect all relationship to be handled
As they should. Thats admirable. You have a good one !! I only can hope with time to be at that point with my boyfriend
He is a good one
But there are more out there
Hence, always more menclick to expand
Lol yes that is very true , well thanks for taking the time to give me some advice , i appreciate it
This is ligit the weirdest thing I've ever heard.
Posted by aquasnozPosted by goldrockettPosted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.
Yeah totally I get the protective part. My daughter's pretty perceptive with it but I've also had a talk with her about it. I stopped dating just to avoid that hassle but apparently mum's being having guys over at her place and I'm the one stuck with the educational speech.click to expand
@aquasnoz
Does your daughter meet the guys?
Posted by LynxPosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeane
i get that you are conscious of the kids and the shit the mother can pull but really, you have to put them first. stop the sexual pda in front of them.
kids don't want to see that. put your fanny away and consider these kids who don't have a choice in the matter.
and have him have an age appropriate conversation with them. to not do so will only confuse them and enough upheaval has already happened in their life. be considerate of them. it's not their job to make you feel better and confident about your situation.
Fanny ? No where did I say we were vulgar in front of them. He literally laid on me and gave me a hug. That's it. He never kisses me in front of them. Bc of that. He'll hold my hand , hug me , play with me and put his arm around me. I'll scratch his back , rub his head , it's always G rated.
laying on you is not appropriate. that the kid had to tell you to knock it off is shameful. why should a child have to inform you of your own moral compass?
So if we got married then what are we supposed to do ? If we have children of our own what are we supposed to do ? Only display PDA in front of our child we have together ? I'm just trying to understand ....
sorry, i thought we were talking about someone else's children, not your own.
are you married?
are these children old enough to know and understand that you are having sex?
do you need him to throw his leg over you in front of them? what's next? dry humping?
is it that important for you that you get a momentary thrill that you feel it's ok to make their feelings secondary?
save that shit for the bedroom. if you are looking to be a parent some day, now is the time to learn to put the kids first.
I'm probably refrain from putting anything else up on here. Bc it seems like everyone thinks that he doesn't put his kids first. HE DOES. He's the best father I have seen , I wish my father was like he is. I would be proud to have a child with him seeing how he is with his children. He does everything you could imagine for them. We save everything that they need not to see for the bedroom. They only see us goofing around if anything. I'm surprised if he even hugs me at all bc of them being around. So miss you don't know shit about what's going on over here so you can chill tf out on that.
you can backtrack and minimise all you like. you're just annoyed that so many of us called you out on your shit. if a 7 year old child says ew, then they know it is not innocent.
don't ask for advice or opinions if you're unwilling to hear it.
i'm not talking about him putting the kids first, i'm talking about YOU putting them first. somehow this seems like a foreign concept to you.
I'm actually not. None of you know me or my situation first hand so you all are just going solely off what you read not considering there's so much deeper than that. I don't know any of you and don't owe any of you that explanation. I just wanted to know if I should talk to him about who they view me as. And all of y'all wanna be internet gangsters wanna be coming at me. I don't owe you shit tbh. I don't want your advice if you're going to come at me the way you are. I could see if I came at y'all sideways but I did not. Therefore I couldn't give af about any of these if your thoughts that want to come at me negatively.
spectacular attitude. i can see why you are the cousin now.
There's always a troll , I see you chose to be it. You provoke me then say that ? Classy.
call me a troll but you are still missing the point. stupid is as stupid does.
I'm not missing anything , you don't know what's going on over here so you my dear are the stupid one with your statements on things you don't even know or are you trying to understand. So for you to come on my sht and try to call me stupid ? When you don't know all of what it is with the situation I'm in , you're the dumb as $
i'll go back to it. i'm not the one being called cousin after 2 years.
based on your behaviour in this thread, i'll stand my use of the word stupid.
jesus, based on your need to use condescending language alone (eg "dear" "miss"), i'll stand by my use of the word stupid.
Ok , are you done ?
it makes no difference to me.
Great. Have a nice night
cheers cuz
Cheers to you too bitter b|tch
the only come back available when you have still missed the point.
There's no point to miss bc everything you're saying is irrelevant. You don't get it , you're not reading what any of what I said correctly. I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. If you read my comments to the others you'd probably get a little bit of a better understanding. But bc you're a bully I don't expect it. You're bored ASF on a Saturday night with nothing better to do but be online and come on ppls topics really seeking advice but in turn you troll. Seek help. Not even a therapist giving their advice would be as ignorant and shallow as you.
“ I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. ”
We all get that. The part that you don’t understand is that even though you may think you weren’t being inappropriate in front of his kids, one of the kids felt you were being inappropriate. Some of the readers here think that as well.
The fact that you are standing by what you believe instead of acknowledging and addressing what the kids believe, means you are being selfish and only thinking of your beliefs instead of the kids, thus creating poor boundaries and not taking inconsideration of his children’s feelings.
No matter what you believe you should be sensitive to children’s beliefs and feelings. Their father should have an appropriate conversation with them, to help them understand the situation.
At least that’s how it appears and what I’ve read in this thread.
Not having all the facts myself and not being in your shoes the whole thing seems really inappropriate and kind of nauseating. I believe children should not be introduced to significant others until they’re older and it seems that the relationship is going to be long term.
When a single parent introduces another parental figure and the relationship doesn’t last, it’s another loss for the child, which in psychology, it’s an equivalent to grief of having a parent being dead, gone forever.
Take care. Hope everything works out for you.click to expand
So true
The woman I spoke of with the three blokes, was advised by her therapist, "your love life has nothing to do with your children, keep them separate". She still went on to involve him, even married one who eventually went back to his "other" wife and child (Muslim)
Posted by LynxPosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeane
i get that you are conscious of the kids and the shit the mother can pull but really, you have to put them first. stop the sexual pda in front of them.
kids don't want to see that. put your fanny away and consider these kids who don't have a choice in the matter.
and have him have an age appropriate conversation with them. to not do so will only confuse them and enough upheaval has already happened in their life. be considerate of them. it's not their job to make you feel better and confident about your situation.
Fanny ? No where did I say we were vulgar in front of them. He literally laid on me and gave me a hug. That's it. He never kisses me in front of them. Bc of that. He'll hold my hand , hug me , play with me and put his arm around me. I'll scratch his back , rub his head , it's always G rated.
laying on you is not appropriate. that the kid had to tell you to knock it off is shameful. why should a child have to inform you of your own moral compass?
So if we got married then what are we supposed to do ? If we have children of our own what are we supposed to do ? Only display PDA in front of our child we have together ? I'm just trying to understand ....
sorry, i thought we were talking about someone else's children, not your own.
are you married?
are these children old enough to know and understand that you are having sex?
do you need him to throw his leg over you in front of them? what's next? dry humping?
is it that important for you that you get a momentary thrill that you feel it's ok to make their feelings secondary?
save that shit for the bedroom. if you are looking to be a parent some day, now is the time to learn to put the kids first.
I'm probably refrain from putting anything else up on here. Bc it seems like everyone thinks that he doesn't put his kids first. HE DOES. He's the best father I have seen , I wish my father was like he is. I would be proud to have a child with him seeing how he is with his children. He does everything you could imagine for them. We save everything that they need not to see for the bedroom. They only see us goofing around if anything. I'm surprised if he even hugs me at all bc of them being around. So miss you don't know shit about what's going on over here so you can chill tf out on that.
you can backtrack and minimise all you like. you're just annoyed that so many of us called you out on your shit. if a 7 year old child says ew, then they know it is not innocent.
don't ask for advice or opinions if you're unwilling to hear it.
i'm not talking about him putting the kids first, i'm talking about YOU putting them first. somehow this seems like a foreign concept to you.
I'm actually not. None of you know me or my situation first hand so you all are just going solely off what you read not considering there's so much deeper than that. I don't know any of you and don't owe any of you that explanation. I just wanted to know if I should talk to him about who they view me as. And all of y'all wanna be internet gangsters wanna be coming at me. I don't owe you shit tbh. I don't want your advice if you're going to come at me the way you are. I could see if I came at y'all sideways but I did not. Therefore I couldn't give af about any of these if your thoughts that want to come at me negatively.
spectacular attitude. i can see why you are the cousin now.
There's always a troll , I see you chose to be it. You provoke me then say that ? Classy.
call me a troll but you are still missing the point. stupid is as stupid does.
I'm not missing anything , you don't know what's going on over here so you my dear are the stupid one with your statements on things you don't even know or are you trying to understand. So for you to come on my sht and try to call me stupid ? When you don't know all of what it is with the situation I'm in , you're the dumb as $
i'll go back to it. i'm not the one being called cousin after 2 years.
based on your behaviour in this thread, i'll stand my use of the word stupid.
jesus, based on your need to use condescending language alone (eg "dear" "miss"), i'll stand by my use of the word stupid.
Ok , are you done ?
it makes no difference to me.
Great. Have a nice night
cheers cuz
Cheers to you too bitter b|tch
the only come back available when you have still missed the point.
There's no point to miss bc everything you're saying is irrelevant. You don't get it , you're not reading what any of what I said correctly. I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. If you read my comments to the others you'd probably get a little bit of a better understanding. But bc you're a bully I don't expect it. You're bored ASF on a Saturday night with nothing better to do but be online and come on ppls topics really seeking advice but in turn you troll. Seek help. Not even a therapist giving their advice would be as ignorant and shallow as you.
“ I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. ”
We all get that. The part that you don’t understand is that even though you may think you weren’t being inappropriate in front of his kids, one of the kids felt you were being inappropriate. Some of the readers here think that as well.
The fact that you are standing by what you believe instead of acknowledging and addressing what the kids believe, means you are being selfish and only thinking of your beliefs instead of the kids, thus creating poor boundaries and not taking inconsideration of his children’s feelings.
No matter what you believe you should be sensitive to children’s beliefs and feelings. Their father should have an appropriate conversation with them, to help them understand the situation.
At least that’s how it appears and what I’ve read in this thread.
Not having all the facts myself and not being in your shoes the whole thing seems really inappropriate and kind of nauseating. I believe children should not be introduced to significant others until they’re older and it seems that the relationship is going to be long term.
When a single parent introduces another parental figure and the relationship doesn’t last, it’s another loss for the child, which in psychology, it’s an equivalent to grief of having a parent being dead, gone forever.
Take care. Hope everything works out for you.click to expand
on top of that it's everyone else's responsibility to accommodate her or is somehow to blame. she remains almost a bystander in all of this.
the ex is a hot mess.
the bf needs to man up
the kids should just deal with her needs ("just bc of the children")
there is no sense that along with everyone else she needs to be a positive influence here too. the kids however, have no responsibility in this. their only job is to be children.
i'm so glad you understood what i was saying. thank you.
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by aquasnozPosted by goldrockettPosted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.
Yeah totally I get the protective part. My daughter's pretty perceptive with it but I've also had a talk with her about it. I stopped dating just to avoid that hassle but apparently mum's being having guys over at her place and I'm the one stuck with the educational speech.
@aquasnoz
Does your daughter meet the guys?click to expand
Yeah she does. Sometimes I wonder if it's the right thing to let her goto her mum's but I think that's more just me being paranoid. Also she's a terrible liar like I am so I'd know if there's some suspect things going on lol.
But yeah I do worry a bit, this only happened late last year and I had only just really explained why we're separated, like really give that talk i.e. addressing all the shit issues I had with it as a kid and never answered. I really wasn't keen to move on to the topic of 'mum's boyfriend(s)'.
If anything sweet came out of it it was that the little asked why I don't get a girlfriend.
Posted by aquasnozPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by aquasnozPosted by goldrockettPosted by aquasnozI just feel like at some point it's going to happen. I just feel like he's just afraid of confronting awkward moments but if this is to last he needs to man up and do what he needs to for this relationship.
You basically gave yourself the advice you need.
But I still have to sound out tho lol. 2 years? kids are 5 and 6? are they bubbled kids? Is this dad a professional procrastinator or what.
Lol yes he is most definitely a procrastinator. I hate to involve signs sometimes but as a taurus he is the king of procrastination , I know bc I'm a taurus too and I procrastinate as well. He just moves verrrrrrry slow and cautiously , its annoying at times. Sometimes I get why , but others its like this isn't the time to be like that.
Yeah totally I get the protective part. My daughter's pretty perceptive with it but I've also had a talk with her about it. I stopped dating just to avoid that hassle but apparently mum's being having guys over at her place and I'm the one stuck with the educational speech.
@aquasnoz
Does your daughter meet the guys?
Yeah she does. Sometimes I wonder if it's the right thing to let her goto her mum's but I think that's more just me being paranoid. Also she's a terrible liar like I am so I'd know if there's some suspect things going on lol.
But yeah I do worry a bit, this only happened late last year and I had only just really explained why we're separated, like really give that talk i.e. addressing all the shit issues I had with it as a kid and never answered. I really wasn't keen to move on to the topic of 'mum's boyfriend(s)'.
If anything sweet came out of it it was that the little asked why I don't get a girlfriend.click to expand
I don’t think you’re paranoid, just a caring father. I wouldn’t have let our lad be around his dad’s gfs when he was young. It’s too confusing for them.
Posted by MissKrabsPosted by goldrockettPosted by MissKrabsPosted by goldrockettPosted by MissKrabs
Srsly poor kids.
🙄🙄🙄 I see you're not understanding unlike the very few on my topic who are , the kids are fine. He and I both know better. Read.
Read the rest of the thread.
I still see one thing, and that is, his kids or at least his daughter thinks he is banging his, their cousin. Roll your eyes as much as you want, be defensive, the fact is that it is gross and creepy. Either explain them, or stop laying on each other in front of them.
I'm not defensive. You are ignorant tho. If you read thoroughly you would've seen me say that when he lays on me its always in a playful manner , as if we're wrestling. Then he'll hug me and keep it moving. NEVER IS IT INAPPROPRIATE. I know him better than you and he is not nor has he ever been the type of stereotype you may be used to men being , by being bad fathers and not caring about what their kids see. He definitely keeps our interactions to a minimum for that reason. I do not sit on top of him in front of the kids , lay on him in front of the kids , like I said , I fall back when the kids are around so any interaction between us he initiates. So when he lays on me to PLAYFULLY WRESTLE WITH ME , not FEEL ME UP , i am ok with it bc it is not inappropriately done.
Read thoroughly. Don't need you getting the wrong idea again.
it's about hers perception, not yours. girl said ewwww get of her, and she thinks you are a cousin. i mean really, stop with the bs. kids at that age are not dumb, but on the other hand can be easly confused.
i don't have anything against pda, ppl freak out over that way too much while fighting is normalized, but woman correct this with removing your cousin title or stop with wrestling until you figure out your role in this.click to expand
That's what I'm in the process of talking to him about bc I'm not ok with them thinking that I'm their cousin. That's why I wrote the topic. To see if I should or let him do it when he feels like he's ready to. You think I'm ok with them thinking I am that ? Uh no. Not at all. I know what my role is. I just need him to explain that to them so they know and will no longer be confused.
Posted by LynxPosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeanePosted by goldrockettPosted by jeane
i get that you are conscious of the kids and the shit the mother can pull but really, you have to put them first. stop the sexual pda in front of them.
kids don't want to see that. put your fanny away and consider these kids who don't have a choice in the matter.
and have him have an age appropriate conversation with them. to not do so will only confuse them and enough upheaval has already happened in their life. be considerate of them. it's not their job to make you feel better and confident about your situation.
Fanny ? No where did I say we were vulgar in front of them. He literally laid on me and gave me a hug. That's it. He never kisses me in front of them. Bc of that. He'll hold my hand , hug me , play with me and put his arm around me. I'll scratch his back , rub his head , it's always G rated.
laying on you is not appropriate. that the kid had to tell you to knock it off is shameful. why should a child have to inform you of your own moral compass?
So if we got married then what are we supposed to do ? If we have children of our own what are we supposed to do ? Only display PDA in front of our child we have together ? I'm just trying to understand ....
sorry, i thought we were talking about someone else's children, not your own.
are you married?
are these children old enough to know and understand that you are having sex?
do you need him to throw his leg over you in front of them? what's next? dry humping?
is it that important for you that you get a momentary thrill that you feel it's ok to make their feelings secondary?
save that shit for the bedroom. if you are looking to be a parent some day, now is the time to learn to put the kids first.
I'm probably refrain from putting anything else up on here. Bc it seems like everyone thinks that he doesn't put his kids first. HE DOES. He's the best father I have seen , I wish my father was like he is. I would be proud to have a child with him seeing how he is with his children. He does everything you could imagine for them. We save everything that they need not to see for the bedroom. They only see us goofing around if anything. I'm surprised if he even hugs me at all bc of them being around. So miss you don't know shit about what's going on over here so you can chill tf out on that.
you can backtrack and minimise all you like. you're just annoyed that so many of us called you out on your shit. if a 7 year old child says ew, then they know it is not innocent.
don't ask for advice or opinions if you're unwilling to hear it.
i'm not talking about him putting the kids first, i'm talking about YOU putting them first. somehow this seems like a foreign concept to you.
I'm actually not. None of you know me or my situation first hand so you all are just going solely off what you read not considering there's so much deeper than that. I don't know any of you and don't owe any of you that explanation. I just wanted to know if I should talk to him about who they view me as. And all of y'all wanna be internet gangsters wanna be coming at me. I don't owe you shit tbh. I don't want your advice if you're going to come at me the way you are. I could see if I came at y'all sideways but I did not. Therefore I couldn't give af about any of these if your thoughts that want to come at me negatively.
spectacular attitude. i can see why you are the cousin now.
There's always a troll , I see you chose to be it. You provoke me then say that ? Classy.
call me a troll but you are still missing the point. stupid is as stupid does.
I'm not missing anything , you don't know what's going on over here so you my dear are the stupid one with your statements on things you don't even know or are you trying to understand. So for you to come on my sht and try to call me stupid ? When you don't know all of what it is with the situation I'm in , you're the dumb as $
i'll go back to it. i'm not the one being called cousin after 2 years.
based on your behaviour in this thread, i'll stand my use of the word stupid.
jesus, based on your need to use condescending language alone (eg "dear" "miss"), i'll stand by my use of the word stupid.
Ok , are you done ?
it makes no difference to me.
Great. Have a nice night
cheers cuz
Cheers to you too bitter b|tch
the only come back available when you have still missed the point.
There's no point to miss bc everything you're saying is irrelevant. You don't get it , you're not reading what any of what I said correctly. I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. If you read my comments to the others you'd probably get a little bit of a better understanding. But bc you're a bully I don't expect it. You're bored ASF on a Saturday night with nothing better to do but be online and come on ppls topics really seeking advice but in turn you troll. Seek help. Not even a therapist giving their advice would be as ignorant and shallow as you.
“ I never said that I was being inappropriate in front of the kids. ”
We all get that. The part that you don’t understand is that even though you may think you weren’t being inappropriate in front of his kids, one of the kids felt you were being inappropriate. Some of the readers here think that as well.
The fact that you are standing by what you believe instead of acknowledging and addressing what the kids believe, means you are being selfish and only thinking of your beliefs instead of the kids, thus creating poor boundaries and not taking inconsideration of his children’s feelings.
No matter what you believe you should be sensitive to children’s beliefs and feelings. Their father should have an appropriate conversation with them, to help them understand the situation.
At least that’s how it appears and what I’ve read in this thread.
Not having all the facts myself and not being in your shoes the whole thing seems really inappropriate and kind of nauseating. I believe children should not be introduced to significant others until they’re older and it seems that the relationship is going to be long term.
When a single parent introduces another parental figure and the relationship doesn’t last, it’s another loss for the child, which in psychology, it’s an equivalent to grief of having a parent being dead, gone forever.
Take care. Hope everything works out for you.click to expand
Very, very well stated! 💜
As a child whose parents dated and remarried others.... I found everybody to be dumb and gross.
My Pisces stepfather was lazy, slow, and his feet stank like crazy. I hated opening their bedroom door. I was like, how can you fuck him?
My Cap dad married a Leo. She didn't tell us he died until two weeks later. I had an altercation with her.
It was all fucked to shit from my view.
So, it was a very slow, long, eyeroll until I could break free at 17.
🎵Just like the white winged dove
Sings a song
Sounds like she's singing
Who who who🎵
Not meeee...
My Pisces stepfather was lazy, slow, and his feet stank like crazy. I hated opening their bedroom door. I was like, how can you fuck him?
My Cap dad married a Leo. She didn't tell us he died until two weeks later. I had an altercation with her.
It was all fucked to shit from my view.
So, it was a very slow, long, eyeroll until I could break free at 17.
🎵Just like the white winged dove
Sings a song
Sounds like she's singing
Who who who🎵
Not meeee...
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