Define "Selfish" in Romantic Relationships

First, I will say that I believe romance is a free for all. I believe all is fair in love in war.

So, I do not understand what is meant by "selfish" in romantic relationships...

...besides the material things like, money, gifts, bills, etc. So, not really interested in those examples because I understand that.

Lack of reciprocation . Your partner does everything for you, but you wouldn’t do those things in return

Posted by Vitale

Lack of reciprocation . Your partner does everything for you, but you wouldn’t do those things in return

How is such a thing even possible?

I suspect the feeling may be mutual, ironically, the one thing reciprocated... a lack of appreciation for each other... like not having the same love language.

Who keeps score?

My hubby bought that Google Home thing "for me" for XMas. It was for him. I didn't make a big deal. I loved my other gifts.

He washes the cars and tells me I don't appreciate it. I tell him to stop selling me things he likes to do as "a favor."

I readily admit I like to cook.

Posted by Uglygirlnextdoor

Wanting someone you can't have and making them want you too. 😢

Hmmm... gotta think.

I asked my Pisces daughter a few minutes ago and she said something similar... wanting someone all to yourself

Interesting.... gotta think.

I wish it wasn't so late so I could as my Libra mother too. That answer would be sooo very interesting.

Posted by Uglygirlnextdoor

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Uglygirlnextdoor

Wanting someone you can't have and making them want you too. 😢

Hmmm... gotta think.

I asked my Pisces daughter a few minutes ago and she said something similar... wanting someone all to yourself

Interesting.... gotta think.

*Sigh*

click to expand

Why sigh?

Posted by Uglygirlnextdoor

Posted by Uglygirlnextdoor

Wanting someone you can't have and making them want you too. 😢

I am a selfish bitch.. 😢

click to expand

I think that's seduction... especially if you succeed. I don't see nothing wrong with that.

Posted by tiziani

Insensitivity and ignorance would be the examples of (costly) selfishness in romance that come to mind.

I don't see them as synonyms. Why not leave it as insensitivity and ignorance?

That's why I think I don't understand. People are using it as synonyms for other things.

Posted by Vitale

Lack of reciprocation . Your partner does everything for you, but you wouldn’t do those things in return

But that means your partner is taxing you, not loving you!

Love doesn't understand return.. It simply flies.. As in.. "Love is in the air"

We are all love.. When we demand something, then we have not become love no more.. :/

We are all the birds of love..

We are either free or caged in..

Posted by tiziani

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by tiziani

Insensitivity and ignorance would be the examples of (costly) selfishness in romance that come to mind.

I don't see them as synonyms. Why not leave it as insensitivity and ignorance?

That's why I think I don't understand. People are using it as synonyms for other things.

It's just speaking in shorthand.

click to expand

Okay.

Expound when you feel... This has been bugging the shit outta me.

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

this is why you should never put your eggs in one basket. always have other dicks in storage for backup.

click to expand

But, that's what the inmate was doing. No harm, no foul then?

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

Selfish to have a back-up bitch?

Posted by virgoop

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

this is why you should never put your eggs in one basket. always have other dicks in storage for backup.

But, that's what the inmate was doing. No harm, no foul then?

yeah you always need to have some Plan B in the works no matter what. better safe than sorry. she's too naive. that experience will taught her something i hope.

click to expand

I mean, to survive in jail in and to survive release.

I'm thinking some inmates have sidechicks so as not to financially burden the wife (and kids) they may have left destitute... maybe?

Posted by gemNi

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

Selfish to have a back-up bitch?

Selfish that neither one were informed of the other and selfish on his part for not forwarning her at the airport, he could had saved her from wasting her $ and time many months ago.

click to expand

If I were selfish in this scenario, I would actually save her the money. More to be actually and materially selfish with.

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

Selfish to have a back-up bitch?

Selfish that neither one were informed of the other and selfish on his part for not forwarning her at the airport, he could had saved her from wasting her $ and time many months ago.

i always believe that if anyone cared about you, they'd be very cautious not to inconvenience you.

click to expand

Now, I can agree with that without a second thought.

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

this is why you should never put your eggs in one basket. always have other dicks in storage for backup.

click to expand

to avoid pain?

Really, pain is a part of life. Without it, we haven't lived it fully.. Stop trying to block your emotions before you start blocking yourself.

Posted by virgoop

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

Selfish to have a back-up bitch?

Selfish that neither one were informed of the other and selfish on his part for not forwarning her at the airport, he could had saved her from wasting her $ and time many months ago.

i always believe that if anyone cared about you, they'd be very cautious not to inconvenience you.

Now, I can agree with that without a second thought.

i won't leave in times of trouble but if i notice the person just keeps going at it headfirst all the time. miss me with that bullshit.

you constantly create shit and expect me to clean up after you every time? nah. i'll maybe do that the first few times but the scent of selfishness will drive me away. coz fuck this person, it's time MY ego is stroked.

i had a pisces friend who always creates bullshit. and looks at you like a dog wanting you to wipe her butt. too bad she's a person. after being a shitty friend for so long and figuring out how i'm the only one who actually cared, she tells me we should go to church together. nah bitch pray to god alone. where the hell was she when I'M in a jam? i can't keep rescuing the bitch that's always too busy partying when i'm in the dumps.

you gonna go through life learning that people who won't inconvenience you are better than people who are 'fun.' coz those are your true friends.

click to expand

It's too funny.. Because you never mentioned whether or not you came to that pisces friend of yours during your breakdown. From what you wrote, it's you who judged the pisces about not being able to help you with anything, not the other way round..

Too funny.

"All is fair in love and war" was probably coined by some dude to preemptively justify piss poor behaviour (spying on partner, slashing tyres if discontent things) and people that adhere to it are probably prone to such behaviour as well or at least condone it on a subconscious level.

If all was fair in war as the citation wants you to believe so that you apply it to love affairs, there would be no war crimes tribunal/courts existing. But there are. Hence....the saying is not really relevant.

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

"All is fair in love and war" was probably coined by some dude to preemptively justify piss poor behaviour (spying on partner, slashing tyres if discontent things) and people that adhere to it are probably prone to such behaviour as well or at least condone it on a subconscious level.

If all was fair in war as the citation wants you to believe so that you apply it to love affairs, there would be no war crimes tribunal/courts existing. But there are. Hence....the saying is not really relevant.

Open up your mind Mr. Pinchy - not your feelings. This aphorism is not to be taken literally. Aphorisms are observations of unusual truths.

If your were in college and were given this as a final, you would be inclined to better comprehend I'm sure. I want meaningful exchanges in my topics. I first read this aphorism as a little girl. As a little girl, I desperately wanted explanation of the lives going on around me. I love Aphorisms.

Here's an example I found that helps explain:

"All is fair in love and war" in other words, in a war between love and hate, anything is acceptable or fair.

The only two areas of life in which you can be forgiven for doing anything are love and war. For example, if someone kills one of their relatives on the battlefield, it is more acceptable than murder usually. Similarly, stealing a friend's lover is seen as more acceptable if you love them, instead of say, just wanting them for money.

This saying, although introduced as a little girl and observed to be true based on my surroundings at the time, has also proven true for me as an adult woman.

It is not a call to action... it is an observation.

I was blessed to be given other original aphorisms by my elders. For example, "everybody's racist except when it comes to sex and drugs." Such a disgustingly true observation on humanity.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Posted by gemNi

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

"All is fair in love and war" was probably coined by some dude to preemptively justify piss poor behaviour (spying on partner, slashing tyres if discontent things) and people that adhere to it are probably prone to such behaviour as well or at least condone it on a subconscious level.

If all was fair in war as the citation wants you to believe so that you apply it to love affairs, there would be no war crimes tribunal/courts existing. But there are. Hence....the saying is not really relevant.

My thoughts as well, espescially marriages those vows "til death do us part" are no joke to many. I don't condone that type of thought process either it's an excuse to warrant a not mentally sound person as judge and excutioner.

click to expand

This is an aphorusm; a terse observation of truths that already exist. It is not a call to action.

Posted by gemNi

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by virgoop

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by virgoop

Posted by gemNi

I was streaming tv shows came across a show called "love after lockup" (didnt know a show like such even exisited) in the episode the convict has a wife and a side chick, he's about to be released, both wife and side chick (live in different states) are planning to fly out to see him, he leads both on not telling either one about the other, the side chick is at the airport with her luggage and air ticket ready to check her flight when the convict calls her to tell her not to show up. Her flight ticket already paid for, her luggage packed with only an half hour til plane would had boarded and hello! she was set to go!

Poor girl ended up in the airport bathroom crying her eyes out.

All around selfish, sick and crazy

#longdistancerelastionships

this is why you should never put your eggs in one basket. always have other dicks in storage for backup.

But, that's what the inmate was doing. No harm, no foul then?

yeah you always need to have some Plan B in the works no matter what. better safe than sorry. she's too naive. that experience will taught her something i hope.

I mean, to survive in jail in and to survive release.

I'm thinking some inmates have sidechicks so as not to financially burden the wife (and kids) they may have left destitute... maybe?

no clue. sounds retarded all around .

click to expand

My point exactly... all around

Posted by Ooops

Someone who focuses only how the other person makes them feel.

Wow, okay.

Pondering this... stimulating.

Posted by elllle

I have an example of me being selfish in my relationship.....

I am on assignment in another state for four months....I left January 1.

Before I left....

I ordered brand new furniture for the dining room, sitting room and office. Like a complete makeover....dining set, sofa, chairs, desk, monitors, carpet, lamps....all of it. Been wanting and needing to since August when we moved in but he lolly gagged with the decision making and I procrastinated.

I decided I wanted to come home to a completely made over apartment in April and all I want to do is point, click and pay. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂

.....and he has to put it all together.

😁😂🤣😂

Do I feel bad?

Not even a little. 😁

That's a gift to a Virgo.

Besides, you will enjoy it together.

I'm so controling, I would need to see a video of the finished assembly... Loose my mind at some cracked, scrapped, crooked, loose screwed, wobbly shit. I swear I will fucking rocket!

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Ooops

Someone who focuses only how the other person makes them feel.

Wow, okay.

Pondering this... stimulating.

click to expand

@Ooops,

Yes, this hits home. The implications are all consuming hitting every facet of the relationship with astounding rippling effect...money, time, responsibility, sex,...it knows no end or beginning for that matter... no tally or gotcha last tit for tat can correct or explain.

This is the umbrella in which all things selfish take shelter.

It is an emotional pit. When occurring, they act as an emotional vampire. So many think feeling something makes it real, true, right.

I can go on and on... the whole "I need an emotional connection" has always registered fowl to me. Now, I see the set-up.

I also see the many ways this can occur...

Posted by Ooops

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Ooops

Someone who focuses only how the other person makes them feel.

Wow, okay.

Pondering this... stimulating.

@Ooops,

Yes, this hits home. The implications are all consuming hitting every facet of the relationship with astounding rippling effect...money, time, responsibility, sex,...it knows no end or beginning for that matter... no tally or gotcha last tit for tat can correct or explain.

This is the umbrella in which all things selfish take shelter.

It is an emotional pit. When occurring, they act as an emotional vampire. So many think feeling something makes it real, true, right.

I can go on and on... the whole "I need an emotional connection" has always registered fowl to me. Now, I see the set-up.

I also see the many ways this can occur...

What do you mean when you say "I can go on and on... the whole "I need an emotional connection" has always registered fowl to me. Now, I see the set-up" ?

click to expand

It's gonna take me a while. My mind is racing like a computer with a new download... But, I don't know how large the file is. Gem Moon problems. Thanks so much though. I will try to answer you.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

click to expand

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Posted by ScorpioTruth

Considering only what they want, no consideration for what the other person might want or even attempting to meet them halfway.

Some examples:

Women who enjoy decorating but won’t let the man add his own personal touch, whether it’s sports memorabilia or a touch of Star Wars. Lol

Men who always want to watch sports/sci-fi/action films on dates but refuse to watch romance/comedies with his gf/wife

People who stop for food on their way home and only buy food for themselves and don’t offer to grab something for their s/o, then go home and eat in front of them

Basically they just only think about themselves and don’t consider what the other person might want.

Selfish - a synonym for inconsiderate.

Selfish - a synonym for uncompromising.

... those actions have to be repeated... repeated with an unbalance. Because, you gave husband and wife examples. What if all you described is going on with one couple?

If they mark territories through compromise... no one's selfish anymore?

Also, couldn't this be a symptom of being single for a long time?

Posted by elllle

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by elllle

I have an example of me being selfish in my relationship.....

I am on assignment in another state for four months....I left January 1.

Before I left....

I ordered brand new furniture for the dining room, sitting room and office. Like a complete makeover....dining set, sofa, chairs, desk, monitors, carpet, lamps....all of it. Been wanting and needing to since August when we moved in but he lolly gagged with the decision making and I procrastinated.

I decided I wanted to come home to a completely made over apartment in April and all I want to do is point, click and pay. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂

.....and he has to put it all together.

😁😂🤣😂

Do I feel bad?

Not even a little. 😁

That's a gift to a Virgo.

Besides, you will enjoy it together.

I'm so controling, I would need to see a video of the finished assembly... Loose my mind at some cracked, scrapped, crooked, loose screwed, wobbly shit. I swear I will fucking rocket!

He is a perfectionist Cap....everything will be aligned and tightened. He has already started sending me photos. I'm lucky that Caps are proud of their work. If he were a Taurus...all that shit would be piled in a corner on top of each other until I got home.. lmao

click to expand

Lol, yes. My son is a Taurus. But, they value harmony, in the senses so much... it will bother them. Might hire a service.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Selfishness is an act.

Intent doesn't define whether someone is being selfish or not.

click to expand

No, I'm thinking intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used instead.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Selfishness is an act.

Intent doesn't define whether someone is being selfish or not.

No, I'm thinking intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used instead.

Being selfish is putting your own desires before someone else's. That's it.

A lot of people are selfish and don't realize it. It doesn't change the fact that they are being selfish.

You're basically saying if someone is unaware of their own actions it's like it didn't happen.

If a parent beats their kid up to get them to do homework, is it all of a sudden not abuse just because the parent thinks that type of "discipline" is normal?

If a guy pushes a girl to get so wasted that she becomes incoherent or unconscious and he proceeds to have sex with her knowing she's not of sound mind, is it all of a sudden not rape because he believes that he's done nothing wrong since she willingly went out with him?



I feel like regardless of intent, it is what it is.

click to expand

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I was trying to understand people's word choice.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Selfishness is an act.

Intent doesn't define whether someone is being selfish or not.

No, I'm thinking intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used instead.

Being selfish is putting your own desires before someone else's. That's it.

A lot of people are selfish and don't realize it. It doesn't change the fact that they are being selfish.

You're basically saying if someone is unaware of their own actions it's like it didn't happen.

If a parent beats their kid up to get them to do homework, is it all of a sudden not abuse just because the parent thinks that type of "discipline" is normal?

If a guy pushes a girl to get so wasted that she becomes incoherent or unconscious and he proceeds to have sex with her knowing she's not of sound mind, is it all of a sudden not rape because he believes that he's done nothing wrong since she willingly went out with him?



I feel like regardless of intent, it is what it is.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I was trying to understand people's word choice.

You said intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used.



Can you explain what you mean by that?

click to expand

I looked at the actual synonyms, or definition for synonyms, people used in this thread to describe "selfish..." like "inconsiderate."

Other words were not even synonyms but the poster thought the word or words described "selfish" somehow.

The rawest answers were descriptive phrases that I could not tie to a synonym.

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Selfishness is an act.

Intent doesn't define whether someone is being selfish or not.

No, I'm thinking intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used instead.

Being selfish is putting your own desires before someone else's. That's it.

A lot of people are selfish and don't realize it. It doesn't change the fact that they are being selfish.

You're basically saying if someone is unaware of their own actions it's like it didn't happen.

If a parent beats their kid up to get them to do homework, is it all of a sudden not abuse just because the parent thinks that type of "discipline" is normal?

If a guy pushes a girl to get so wasted that she becomes incoherent or unconscious and he proceeds to have sex with her knowing she's not of sound mind, is it all of a sudden not rape because he believes that he's done nothing wrong since she willingly went out with him?



I feel like regardless of intent, it is what it is.

No, that's not what I'm saying.

I was trying to understand people's word choice.

You said intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used.



Can you explain what you mean by that?

I looked at the actual synonyms, or definition for synonyms, people used in this thread to describe "selfish..." like "inconsiderate."

Other words were not even synonyms but the poster thought the word or words described "selfish" somehow.

The rawest answers were descriptive phrases that I could not tie to a synonym.

I see.



I mean, when you're being selfish you're also technically being inconsiderate.

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I was looking, unbeknownst to me, for the umbrella that covered it all... something with no holes. It appears to be Ooops, definition... still thinking abour it. Your original post was similar to his.

Someone who is unwilling to compromise.

Posted by gemNi

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Ooops

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Ooops

Someone who focuses only how the other person makes them feel.

Wow, okay.

Pondering this... stimulating.

@Ooops,

Yes, this hits home. The implications are all consuming hitting every facet of the relationship with astounding rippling effect...money, time, responsibility, sex,...it knows no end or beginning for that matter... no tally or gotcha last tit for tat can correct or explain.

This is the umbrella in which all things selfish take shelter.

It is an emotional pit. When occurring, they act as an emotional vampire. So many think feeling something makes it real, true, right.

I can go on and on... the whole "I need an emotional connection" has always registered fowl to me. Now, I see the set-up.

I also see the many ways this can occur...

What do you mean when you say "I can go on and on... the whole "I need an emotional connection" has always registered fowl to me. Now, I see the set-up" ?

It's gonna take me a while. My mind is racing like a computer with a new download... But, I don't know how large the file is. Gem Moon problems. Thanks so much though. I will try to answer you.

I completly understand where your coming from because the term "selfish" implies it's one sided most know, in a relationship, nothing is one sided but Im going to go back to creationism

Adam & Lilth - have no committed contracts to one another, Lilth has no knowledge of right from wrong she cant be judge by god in the same harshness as Eve. If she had taken santan bait she would had forsaken the fruit of knowledge like Eve, knowing right from wrong, she doesn't.

Adam & Eve - have a contract to each other. His wrongs are her wrongs as her wrongs are his wrongs, their judgements from god are equal and judged collectivly from both partners.

If I viewed 'selfishness' from the lens of Adam & Eve there is no such thing as one sided. If one is selfish, so is the other.

BUT in..

REALITY...

Im sure there are instances in a relastionship of one feeling or thinking one is more selfish then the other but Is it selfishness or complaining?

If a husband wanted to name is child after his 'true love' is that selfish or complaining?

If an ex wife wanted to keep her ex's name instead of her married husbands last name is that selfish or complaining?

If two religious people had differnt views on thier religous stance, where one had a limited understanding of religion (an I dont care attitude for whatever the outcome) would it be selfish if the more religiously knowledgable person didn't want seal themself nor family to the other parent?

Is that selfishness or selflessness?

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That's how I see it - absolutely. I am truly surprised you share my view. I'm not good at keeping track of profiles but, I will have to go back to see you.

But, in this capitalist society/world of profits, gains, and losses, winners and losers... you still try to understand that view too cause that's the world we live in. I find myself at a loss if I stay in my head... hence, this thread.

Posted by BathHouseCulture

Posted by AneemA11

Posted by Vitale

Lack of reciprocation . Your partner does everything for you, but you wouldn’t do those things in return

But that means your partner is taxing you, not loving you!

Love doesn't understand return.. It simply flies.. As in.. "Love is in the air"

We are all love.. When we demand something, then we have not become love no more.. :/

Ok that was profound AFFF

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As fuck?

Stop the mockery before I take your life

Selfish: not put in any efforts and do whatever he wants without considering the other person’s needs.

Also, there are guys who just care about their own physical needs. My aqua ex threw a fit because my grandpa died and I had to rush home for his funeral and didn’t have time to have sex before I left. All he cared about was he didn’t get to fuck that morning. That was selfish.

Selfishness only exists in a relationship that score keeping is present. I don't score keep, because it is unhealthy.

I am in love with a cancerian woman. She loves me too. But her priority is her family. And her family does not want us to marry. And she has genuine reasons where her family needs her support.

Tell me who is selfish in this relationship:

a) Me? For wanting her to choose me for marriage so we can live our lives in love and together.

b) she? For choosing her family over me and giving them priority?

Posted by lovehurtsalot

I am in love with a cancerian woman. She loves me too. But her priority is her family. And her family does not want us to marry. And she has genuine reasons where her family needs her support.

Tell me who is selfish in this relationship:

a) Me? For wanting her to choose me for marriage so we can live our lives in love and together.

b) she? For choosing her family over me and giving them priority?

No one.

And, the fact that you don't know this and are trying to apply "sefish" to a situation that does not warrant it, is extremely unattractive.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by lovehurtsalot

I am in love with a cancerian woman. She loves me too. But her priority is her family. And her family does not want us to marry. And she has genuine reasons where her family needs her support.

Tell me who is selfish in this relationship:

a) Me? For wanting her to choose me for marriage so we can live our lives in love and together.

b) she? For choosing her family over me and giving them priority?

No one.

And, the fact that you don't know this and are trying to apply "sefish" to a situation that does not warrant it, is extremely unattractive.

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Sorry but I love this person a lot and if the hurt is clouding my judgment I cant help it. I'm only human and can fight only to an extent.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by xXxBitcheroniiiXxX

Taking more than you contribute to the relationship, or putting your needs before your partner's, to the point where your partner and (eventually) the relationship suffers.

That sounds excellent.

Can you give a non-material based example?

Neglecting to take your partner's feelings into consideration, but always expecting them to take yours into consideration.

One partner always making the decision on how things are going to go.

Not showing much interest in what makes your partner happy.

Ah... a self - absorbed or self - centered person's behavior is naturally selfish.

Making more withdrawals than deposits.

Thinking:

A user or someone controlling.... maybe.

Does selfish equal a user or control freak..

But then, why say selfish instead. Selfish indicates less of a motive... more unintentional behavior.

Selfishness is an act.

Intent doesn't define whether someone is being selfish or not.

No, I'm thinking intent seems to be a determining factor on whether other synonymous adjectives are used instead.

Oh OK, I get where you're coming from and I relate to that a lot.

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I had no angle in this topic. I solely sought to understand. What you commented on is an observation I was making based on the responses in this thread.

Posted by lovehurtsalot

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by lovehurtsalot

I am in love with a cancerian woman. She loves me too. But her priority is her family. And her family does not want us to marry. And she has genuine reasons where her family needs her support.

Tell me who is selfish in this relationship:

a) Me? For wanting her to choose me for marriage so we can live our lives in love and together.

b) she? For choosing her family over me and giving them priority?

No one.

And, the fact that you don't know this and are trying to apply "sefish" to a situation that does not warrant it, is extremely unattractive.

Sorry but I love this person a lot and if the hurt is clouding my judgment I cant help it. I'm only human and can fight only to an extent.

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It appears to me that alotta people do what you just did and out of hurt. I find it pathetic becoming sour like that.

You love her but when you don't get the results you want all of a sudden she's selfish. And, to apply it to a woman that is family oriented at that... man.

Thanks so much for comment. Good example of the misapplication of the word.