I think im losing my mind over him...

**I posted this before but for some reason, the full post wouldn't show idk why**

I have been friends with him since 2016, platonic. He would always compliment me and hug me, told me he wanted to keep me for himself. I kept him at an arm's length, I just brushed it all off, I was getting over someone. Then from May 2018 till December 2019, we lost contact.

In December 2019, we reconnected again. We talk literally every single day. About his dreams, my ambitions, religion, politics... just about everything. In January, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I jokingly brushed it off and declined, no matter, we still talked every day.

Around this time a close family member passed and he was there for me, he listened to me when I needed to vent, and was supportive.

We hung out in person, I was at his place, we cuddled (he initiated). He kept his hands on me at all times (waist, shoulder, face or hand), called me pet names, cooked for me.

The next time we hung out was yesterday and we were cuddling (same shit as before) and he started kissing my neck (first time ever). I came clean about my feelings he told me he'll think about it and he isn't sure if he wants a relationship bc his last one was a nut job. I was like that's okay, I would still be friends even if he said no. We cuddled more and then I left

Did I misjudge him? Does he like me?

He has Virgo sun+moon+venus

What feelings?

Posted by Gem03

The next time we hung out was yesterday and we were cuddling (same shit as before) and he started kissing my neck (first time ever). I came clean about my feelings he told me he'll think about it and he isn't sure if he wants a relationship bc his last one was a nut job. I was like that's okay, I would still be friends even if he said no. We cuddled more and then I left

Did I misjudge him? Does he like me?

This part makes it seem as though he was verging on a FWB.

Posted by Undine

What feelings?

That I want him to be mine

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by Gem03

**I posted this before but for some reason, the full post wouldn't show idk why**

I have been friends with him since 2016, platonic. He would always compliment me and hug me, told me he wanted to keep me for himself. I kept him at an arm's length, I just brushed it all off, I was getting over someone. Then from May 2018 till December 2019, we lost contact.

In December 2019, we reconnected again. We talk literally every single day. About his dreams, my ambitions, religion, politics... just about everything. In January, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I jokingly brushed it off and declined, no matter, we still talked every day.

Around this time a close family member passed and he was there for me, he listened to me when I needed to vent, and was supportive.

We hung out in person, I was at his place, we cuddled (he initiated). He kept his hands on me at all times (waist, shoulder, face or hand), called me pet names, cooked for me.

The next time we hung out was yesterday and we were cuddling (same shit as before) and he started kissing my neck (first time ever). I came clean about my feelings he told me he'll think about it and he isn't sure if he wants a relationship bc his last one was a nut job. I was like that's okay, I would still be friends even if he said no. We cuddled more and then I left

Did I misjudge him? Does he like me?

He has Virgo sun+moon+venus

Give it time and don't overthink. You already communicated your feelings. Now it's up to him.

click to expand

I was thinking of asking him in April if he decided or not....I am lessening our contact until then. Do you think he will know by then

LOL. payback

He wanted to be your boyfriend but now he doesnt? Sounds like you missed your opportunity.

Seems like he likes you. Just wait for him to connect back with you and take it from there.

Posted by SeaLion

He wanted to be your boyfriend but now he doesnt? Sounds like you missed your opportunity.

Alls fair in love and war. She rejected him and laughed it off. Now it’s his turn to make her sweat.

Mutables are the pettiest of the bunch!

But did you guys fuck yet?

Posted by Evilhunter

But did you guys fuck yet?

no, I won't even kiss you unless you are my man lol

Posted by Gem03

Posted by Evilhunter

But did you guys fuck yet?

no, I won't even kiss you unless you are my man lol

click to expand

Awww how cute

Believe what he told you. If you want sex with him it looks like you'd have to settle for FWB because he doesn't want a relationship. I wouldn't wait for him to change his mind.

UPDATE: him and I talked, and this was the convo

Him: I have needs, and you are cute sue me

Me: If sex is all you want rn (which is okay but I can't do casual sex) then lmk so I can stop liking you

Him: my needs != casual sex

Me: Ok then what are your needs?

Him: Basic things from a relationship

Me: okay then what do you want from me specifically? To be friends? relationship? or need more time?

Him: I like you as more than a friend, but Im trying to see how compatible we are. Also, I have to restrict myself because I don't want to make you uncomfortable. The last time we cuddled I had fu*k my d*ck away

me: Oh yeah you were breathing really hard in my neck, I had no clue tbh.

He’s full of hot air.

He asked you less than 3 months ago to be his gf. Now when you admit feelings he suddenly doesn’t want a relationship?

He’s playing a game here where only he knows the rules.

Don’t invest anything more emotionally.

Your asking the wrong questions.

Hold him over the fire and have him take accountability for his empty words.

Why did you ask me to be your gf in January?

What changed your mind between now and 90 days ago?

What about this situation makes you so wishy washy.

Be consistant and tease him about being his girlfriend. Keep it light.

He is just being cautious. Ignore the haters.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Be consistant and tease him about being his girlfriend. Keep it light.

He is just being cautious. Ignore the haters.

Can I ask what your sun, moon, and venus sign are?

Also, I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues

Posted by LadyNeptune

Your asking the wrong questions.

Hold him over the fire and have him take accountability for his empty words.

Why did you ask me to be your gf in January?

What changed your mind between now and 90 days ago?

What about this situation makes you so wishy washy.

I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues and partly because I am not as sexual as he is and he wants to make sure he doesn't scare me off (he said that later on). Which I appreciate, and I always protect myself so no worries.

Posted by LadyNeptune

He’s full of hot air.

He asked you less than 3 months ago to be his gf. Now when you admit feelings he suddenly doesn’t want a relationship?

He’s playing a game here where only he knows the rules.

Don’t invest anything more emotionally.

In agreement.

This dude will waste your time and break your heart.

Posted by Gem03

Posted by LadyNeptune

Your asking the wrong questions.

Hold him over the fire and have him take accountability for his empty words.

Why did you ask me to be your gf in January?

What changed your mind between now and 90 days ago?

What about this situation makes you so wishy washy.

I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues and partly because I am not as sexual as he is and he wants to make sure he doesn't scare me off (he said that later on). Which I appreciate, and I always protect myself so no worries.

click to expand

Except he did say it lightly if less than 3 months later he is changing his mind.

Your making a lot of excuses for his behavior. That never bodes well for the start of a relationship.

Just because you know someone for years doesn’t mean you really know know them. You’ve fallen out of touch for a few years per your op, a lot can change in that time. He’s not the same guy you knew or thought you knew.

If he was then he wouldn’t be holding you at arms length when it comes to a relationship, something HE INITIATED.

I get the sense that he sees you as challenge sexually and will come on hard until the panties drop, then ghost or slot you into the fwb category.

He tried the ‘be my gf’ line, which obviously wasn’t sincere.

Now he is playing the ‘I’m unsure’ angle to see if you’ll use your pussy to help convince him your gf material.

Step lightly with this one. Eyes wide open.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gem03

Posted by LadyNeptune

Your asking the wrong questions.

Hold him over the fire and have him take accountability for his empty words.

Why did you ask me to be your gf in January?

What changed your mind between now and 90 days ago?

What about this situation makes you so wishy washy.

I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues and partly because I am not as sexual as he is and he wants to make sure he doesn't scare me off (he said that later on). Which I appreciate, and I always protect myself so no worries.

Except he did say it lightly if less than 3 months later he is changing his mind.

Your making a lot of excuses for his behavior. That never bodes well for the start of a relationship.

Just because you know someone for years doesn’t mean you really know know them. You’ve fallen out of touch for a few years per your op, a lot can change in that time. He’s not the same guy you knew or thought you knew.

If he was then he wouldn’t be holding you at arms length when it comes to a relationship, something HE INITIATED.

I get the sense that he sees you as challenge sexually and will come on hard until the panties drop, then ghost or slot you into the fwb category.

He tried the ‘be my gf’ line, which obviously wasn’t sincere.

Now he is playing the ‘I’m unsure’ angle to see if you’ll use your pussy to help convince him your gf material.

Step lightly with this one. Eyes wide open.

click to expand

Yeah I haven't forgotten, and I don't have sex with someone unless I love them and we are in a committed relationship. So, he won't get pussy even if we started dating lol.

And yes, the points you have brought up are legit and I will be keeping them in mind.

Posted by Gem03

Posted by Lostthoughts

Be consistant and tease him about being his girlfriend. Keep it light.

He is just being cautious. Ignore the haters.

Can I ask what your sun, moon, and venus sign are?

Also, I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues

click to expand

I have many Virgo placements aspected no less. I don't like talking about it because people put too much weight on placements and interpitations rather then the individual expressions of said person and the context. Astrology is a lot more complicated then what people think on this message board. But.... yes I can be pretty Virgo and in the past I was a stereotype version lol. I'm much more open and dynamic now but still earthy🙃

In my opinion:

Honestly if you have been friends for a while there is a risk that I'm sure he is weighing. Your dating right now though. You know it, I know it, and he might be aware What he is doing🤷

What he is doing is feeling out the relationship without the pressure and obligation a title brings. This will also allow him to pull out and salvage your friendship+ if he isn't feeling it. I suggested teasing him about being his girlfriend and keeping it light so he doesn't forget what you want and get use to and take the light dating mode he is asking for granted. Forcing people to do things causes resentment you don't want in a romantic relationship.

On a personal note. I've dated crazy and definitely left a bad taste in my mouth that took a long time to get ride of so that alone earns caution.

Personal when I look at what I am attracted to, I realise I like dynamic women and don't mind complicated personalities. Unfortunately that means I am attracted to and attract crazy(unhealthy) forms of that, which I can know spot and avoid fyi. I came to this realization and became super cautious myself because of this. I'm sure at some point after getting out of a string of bad relationships everyone questions themselves and their tastes. Some try something different or give up. I'm owning it and looking for positive expressions. Hmm I'm ranting..

Basically: Yes he is being cautious. There is 2 obvious reasons mentioned above and a few other likely possibilities. I strongly doubt he is just using you. No title gives him wiggle room but don't let him do that for long. Tease him and keep it light. You know a Virgo really digs you when they cater torwards your needs and big on communication. He will pull away if you put too much pressure and he is unsure about taking the next step. As well as if he isn't feeling it and doesn't want to hurt you. Still your call about what you are willing to accept and for how long. Feel free to talk to him openly about it if you feel negative thoughts and feeling effecting your relationship over this. Don't poison the well.

Posted by Gem03

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Gem03

Posted by LadyNeptune

Your asking the wrong questions.

Hold him over the fire and have him take accountability for his empty words.

Why did you ask me to be your gf in January?

What changed your mind between now and 90 days ago?

What about this situation makes you so wishy washy.

I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues and partly because I am not as sexual as he is and he wants to make sure he doesn't scare me off (he said that later on). Which I appreciate, and I always protect myself so no worries.

Except he did say it lightly if less than 3 months later he is changing his mind.

Your making a lot of excuses for his behavior. That never bodes well for the start of a relationship.

Just because you know someone for years doesn’t mean you really know know them. You’ve fallen out of touch for a few years per your op, a lot can change in that time. He’s not the same guy you knew or thought you knew.

If he was then he wouldn’t be holding you at arms length when it comes to a relationship, something HE INITIATED.

I get the sense that he sees you as challenge sexually and will come on hard until the panties drop, then ghost or slot you into the fwb category.

He tried the ‘be my gf’ line, which obviously wasn’t sincere.

Now he is playing the ‘I’m unsure’ angle to see if you’ll use your pussy to help convince him your gf material.

Step lightly with this one. Eyes wide open.

Yeah I haven't forgotten, and I don't have sex with someone unless I love them and we are in a committed relationship. So, he won't get pussy even if we started dating lol.

And yes, the points you have brought up are legit and I will be keeping them in mind.

click to expand

Well with the whole world going on lockdown/quarantine, looks like he’ll have some time to decide what it is he really wants from you. Then you can decide if a, he is being sincere, and b, if you can give what he wants.

Posted by mars_in_cappy

Posted by Gem03

no, I won't even kiss you unless you are my man lol

Wooh, now i definately want a gem. The harder to get, the better

click to expand

Its also partly due to mercury taurus, I am slowww and value intimacy. But my moon, mars are in gemini so I am also super indecisive.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Gem03

Posted by Lostthoughts

Be consistant and tease him about being his girlfriend. Keep it light.

He is just being cautious. Ignore the haters.

Can I ask what your sun, moon, and venus sign are?

Also, I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues

I have many Virgo placements aspected no less. I don't like talking about it because people put too much weight on placements and interpitations rather then the individual expressions of said person and the context. Astrology is a lot more complicated then what people think on this message board. But.... yes I can be pretty Virgo and in the past I was a stereotype version lol. I'm much more open and dynamic now but still earthy🙃

In my opinion:

Honestly if you have been friends for a while there is a risk that I'm sure he is weighing. Your dating right now though. You know it, I know it, and he might be aware What he is doing🤷

What he is doing is feeling out the relationship without the pressure and obligation a title brings. This will also allow him to pull out and salvage your friendship+ if he isn't feeling it. I suggested teasing him about being his girlfriend and keeping it light so he doesn't forget what you want and get use to and take the light dating mode he is asking for granted. Forcing people to do things causes resentment you don't want in a romantic relationship.

On a personal note. I've dated crazy and definitely left a bad taste in my mouth that took a long time to get ride of so that alone earns caution.

Personal when I look at what I am attracted to, I realise I like dynamic women and don't mind complicated personalities. Unfortunately that means I am attracted to and attract crazy(unhealthy) forms of that, which I can know spot and avoid fyi. I came to this realization and became super cautious myself because of this. I'm sure at some point after getting out of a string of bad relationships everyone questions themselves and their tastes. Some try something different or give up. I'm owning it and looking for positive expressions. Hmm I'm ranting..

Basically: Yes he is being cautious. There is 2 obvious reasons mentioned above and a few other likely possibilities. I strongly doubt he is just using you. No title gives him wiggle room but don't let him do that for long. Tease him and keep it light. You know a Virgo really digs you when they cater torwards your needs and big on communication. He will pull away if you put too much pressure and he is unsure about taking the next step. As well as if he isn't feeling it and doesn't want to hurt you. Still your call about what you are willing to accept and for how long. Feel free to talk to him openly about it if you feel negative thoughts and feeling effecting your relationship over this. Don't poison the well.

click to expand

Natal placements + upbringing + life experiences = Person

I agree with you I was just curious tbh.

So far he is super respectful of my boundaries and is upfront when I question him about something. I don't plan on pressuring him, I'll take my sweet time.

Also, you said "There is 2 obvious reasons mentioned above and a few other likely possibilities" what are those other possibilities??

Posted by Gem03

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by Gem03

Posted by Lostthoughts

Be consistant and tease him about being his girlfriend. Keep it light.

He is just being cautious. Ignore the haters.

Can I ask what your sun, moon, and venus sign are?

Also, I have known him for years he wouldn't say anything like that "lightly". I don't blame him for being cautious, I was the one who rejected him first bc of commitment issues

I have many Virgo placements aspected no less. I don't like talking about it because people put too much weight on placements and interpitations rather then the individual expressions of said person and the context. Astrology is a lot more complicated then what people think on this message board. But.... yes I can be pretty Virgo and in the past I was a stereotype version lol. I'm much more open and dynamic now but still earthy🙃

In my opinion:

Honestly if you have been friends for a while there is a risk that I'm sure he is weighing. Your dating right now though. You know it, I know it, and he might be aware What he is doing🤷

What he is doing is feeling out the relationship without the pressure and obligation a title brings. This will also allow him to pull out and salvage your friendship+ if he isn't feeling it. I suggested teasing him about being his girlfriend and keeping it light so he doesn't forget what you want and get use to and take the light dating mode he is asking for granted. Forcing people to do things causes resentment you don't want in a romantic relationship.

On a personal note. I've dated crazy and definitely left a bad taste in my mouth that took a long time to get ride of so that alone earns caution.

Personal when I look at what I am attracted to, I realise I like dynamic women and don't mind complicated personalities. Unfortunately that means I am attracted to and attract crazy(unhealthy) forms of that, which I can know spot and avoid fyi. I came to this realization and became super cautious myself because of this. I'm sure at some point after getting out of a string of bad relationships everyone questions themselves and their tastes. Some try something different or give up. I'm owning it and looking for positive expressions. Hmm I'm ranting..

Basically: Yes he is being cautious. There is 2 obvious reasons mentioned above and a few other likely possibilities. I strongly doubt he is just using you. No title gives him wiggle room but don't let him do that for long. Tease him and keep it light. You know a Virgo really digs you when they cater torwards your needs and big on communication. He will pull away if you put too much pressure and he is unsure about taking the next step. As well as if he isn't feeling it and doesn't want to hurt you. Still your call about what you are willing to accept and for how long. Feel free to talk to him openly about it if you feel negative thoughts and feeling effecting your relationship over this. Don't poison the well.

Natal placements + upbringing + life experiences = Person

I agree with you I was just curious tbh.

So far he is super respectful of my boundaries and is upfront when I question him about something. I don't plan on pressuring him, I'll take my sweet time.

Also, you said "There is 2 obvious reasons mentioned above and a few other likely possibilities" what are those other possibilities??

click to expand

sorry if "other possibilities" spooked you or made you worry. I said that because honestly I don't feel you gave enough background info like his relationship history, especially issues with the ex, full synestry, your dynamic, how much time you spend with each other, and etc. Basically a real conversation lol. Forums on the internet are limited. Don't worry about it just do you. I do recommend the teasing here and there because it's a easy punchline/laugh. As well keep him from getting too comfortable and not progressing the relationship if that is really what you decide to do at any point in the future. Consistency is really important to earth signs each for there own reasons.

We talked more but getting him to open up requires more than a crowbar!!! Its frustrating

you shouldnt have rejected him when he asked

Posted by poeticseraphim

Who cares this fizzle isn't going to last the quarantine period.

What makes you say that?

Posted by colliereborn

you shouldnt have rejected him when he asked

a literal month, a month later I asked him

if he is that fickle with his feelings I hope he rejects me.